I have spent the last fifty-four plus years growing up, fairly certain in the knowledge I’m far from completion, but hoping I manage to get there before my body is through. It would be especially splendid if both occur, generally, around the same time, wouldn’t it be awful to be old, spent, and stupid? Or how about old, spent, and bored because there are no boundaries left to conqueror?
While I have no desire (at this time) to return to the hallowed halls of education, I am usually glued to a program on History, the Do It Yourself channel, or Discovery. That’s not to say I can’t further my education in books, but I’m more interest in learning to do, expanding my knowledge on what is in small weekly doses. Plus I love my job and as long as it last, I’m not looking elsewhere. I’m under no illusion that I am the smartest, end all - be all of any endeavor I gravitate towards. You can tell that by looking at the dressing screen I started two weeks ago and have yet to finish building – Ducky had to rescue it. I have figured out measure twice cut once. My down fall lies in measure once, take a gander, measure twice look at it again…. Measure three times – now drill. Someday it will not lean up against my water heater in the garage, but hopefully reside on my deck. And if you need further proof I’m a work in process my lilies suck and my lawn is dead. There you go.
What I have learned in my years of growing up is that there are all kinds of people, with all kinds of abilities, all types of qualities, ignorance’s, graces, foibles, and over all arrogances and stupidities. Often all rolled up in one person. Ain’t diversity grand? Where do I stand in the grand scheme of things? I’m still learning to fit in. Years ago I was the wallflower, the girl who got beat up in the school line and few teachers cared. You see I was rather quick mouthed, a talent that almost got me booted from Girl Scout Camp. I’ve since learned that it’s my way of coping in fear of being rejected. A trait that runs off all but the bravest or those keen sighted enough to see below the loud brash exterior.
My wallflower status has actually stood me well over the years and social situations. I am content to watch and read people, but growing up on the outside taught me to have compassion of wallflowers less adept and further out of their comfort zone… a wall fish of sorts? It has also allowed me to see beyond the external and into the depths of people and how they interact, how they react, and how they exact what they want in different situations.
Over the years I have learned what and whom I adore; what I dread and fear; what renders my heart insensible; and what it takes to get it done. I have also learned that if I don’t know, seek. If another speaks, hear. If I love tell the recipients and tell them often. If I need help, ask (I’m still working on this one.) If I have it in me, give it freely and cherish the fellowship of all. Rejoice in myself, rejoice in others, rejoice in all the universe has to offer.